Wednesday, July 13, 2005


1. 99thesis 99

2. I hate people who decided to be doctors when they were children. I really hate them.

3. I refer to the idiots who saw a doctor on television at the age of four and thought 'right, that's the job for me', in much the same way that, at the age of four, I saw Luke Skywalker and thought 'right, that's the job for me'.

4. As a result of deciding on their career too early most doctors are perpetually disappointed.

5. But these early deciders make up the greater portion of medical school intakes, and this explains the high level of derangement present in the profession. A profession made up of dogmatic imbeciles who made up their mind to be a doctor and stuck to it with the tenacity of a Rottweiller, only to realise in adult life that the doctor they saw on the television was the figment of the imagination of an alcoholic TV serial writer, whose closest experience of medicine was the time he treated his athlete's foot with TCP.

6. The doctors on television are actors, picked for the good looks. The world they live in is bereft of the reality of modern medicine because it would be too boring. No one will tune in every week to watch Dr Ugly perform a rectal examination. Who cares of Mr Tedius FRCS peforms his two thousandth tonsillectomy and hands in an audit of soap use? If you decided to be a doctor before the age of 18 you are a deluded dreamer destined to a life of miserable disappointment. You won't give up though, because no-one ever gives up.


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