Wednesday, July 13, 2005

how to pick your speciality

1. The prize system in medical school picks out, with surgical accuracy, the people least able to be good doctors. Prize winners are autistic, quiet people with a psychological profile identical to that of a serial killer. They will last 2 house jobs before being found huddled in a corner mewling the theme tune to Holby City. They should not be allowed to see patients or in fact interact with anything that is not Windows driven.

2. Medicine is the one true vocational degree. No other subject is stupid enough to think that all its entrants will be zoologists, or ancient Greek speakers. That makes medicine and medics peculiar, a course for people who made their minds up long ago, and won't be changing it any time soon thank you very much.

3. Medical school can be further subdivided into the normal people and the people who know, they just know, that they are going to be surgeons. They are told this on the first day of medical school, given the uniform (beige trousers, blue/white shirt, rugby club tie), told the rules (be posh, right wing, display appalling ignorance about everything but surgery, and be ignorant about that too).

4. If they don't tell you that you're a surgeon on your first day then you're in for a difficult time. After 14 years of brainwashing yourself that you're going to be a doctor, you are cast adrift, the anchor of certainty sinking without trace to the bottom of the ocean.

5. There are many types of doctor. Don't worry. You will pick the wrong one. The other one would have been better. Still whatever you do don't change tack or people will think you lack focus. Stay where you are. Stay miserable.

6. 10. The rest can be roughly divided into those with integrity and those with the morals of a heroin addict. Surgery mops up a lot of the bastards, but there's still plenty to go round the other specialties. Except psychiatry. They get all the alternative people ie the people with no insight and no interpersonal skills, usually weighed down with heavy childhood issues such as bullying or abuse too horrible to mention. If anyone expresses an interest in psychiatry they should be blacklisted and given a job where they can't do any damage. Something with plants.

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Blogger Beth said...

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3:20 pm  

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