Monday, December 19, 2005

NHS Fire Death Plan

There are adverts in this country produced by the government detailing your actions in the case of a fire in your home:

o       Get Out
o       Stay Out
o       Get the Fibre brigade out

Weve got a similar one in the NHS when a fire alarm goes off:

o       Hang around
o       Look up from newspaper at colleagues to check theyre ignoring it too
o       Light up a fag youre safe till the alarm goes off
o       Look out window to see if you can see a fire engine
o       Sniff air cant smell any smoke?  Thats fine then
o       Carry on with what you were doing before fire alarm broke concentration, but if you see actual flames then walk in opposite direction

On the down side, if theres ever a fire in an NHS building all the staff in patients will be incinerated, on the plus side, its unlikely anyone will really miss them, and of course given that fire alarms go off every ten minutes in the NHS the system would grind to a halt if anyone paid them any actual attention.*

*If you are a junior doctor, remember, if you see a fire, do not waste any time telling anyone about it:

Junior Doc: Nurse, theres a fire in the sluice…’

Nurse: Sorry Doc, Im just back from holiday/a bank nurse/an imposter/drunk/on crack/a prostitute (delete as inappropriate)

JD: (dials emergency line) I want to report a fire

Emergency porter: (in local patois) sorry son, were flat out here reading the Daily Star

JD: sighs and walks off to leave patients to burn to death/fights fire bare handed and gets on front page of local newspaper*

*delete according to whether you can be arsed or not.


Blogger Beth said...

Hahaa! You are a funny one!
Appreciate a doc with a keen sense of humour!

7:42 am  
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